paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
my poor anus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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