Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
