i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I deserve this hangover.
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