i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
