sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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