A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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