my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
