I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
