i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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