I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
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She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
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I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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