i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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