Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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