were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
