You made me cry and you don't even care
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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