been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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