Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
