I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
