Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
