True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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