Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
