Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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