1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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