so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
