Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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