He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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