my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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