I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
