I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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