First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
