I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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