my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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