i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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