I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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