i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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