Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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