my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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