At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
