she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
