The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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