His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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