I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Let's get the cat blown out
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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