Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
