FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
