she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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