I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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