You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
