Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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