hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
