We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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