I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i love accidental penises.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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