I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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