thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
