You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
