I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
