when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
