There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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