Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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