This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
