five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
