i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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