I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.