at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?