you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing