your thong is hanging out like whoa
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana